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Blue

Rectangular, dark blue, smooth almost silky. Lets call it Blue. Not at all pretty just solid and dependable on the outside. Inside Blue's bright face welcomes me with just the right expression, designed to generate just the right emotion. I know because I placed it there. 

I feel a mix of emotions; comforting, protective, excitement inducing, dependence. Sometimes when Blue calls I feel annoyed at his insistence and sometimes I feel relief or apprehension. It depends. Once in a while Blue is a bittersweet reminder of many special times, and an echo of many voices now gone forever. Over the years Blue has revealed a lot to me about myself and the people that are dear to me. However protective I am of Blue, I feel a need to share her with my children on occasion because I refuse to make her more important to me than they are. 

In actual fact Blue offers too much. On the face of it she seems too giving, too selfless, but she really isn't. Her pound of flesh is exacted in much the same way as the fruit laden tree in the garden of Eden, so we must control ourselves lest she gets the best of us. 

You have a Blue too. We almost all do.

 

Those who can, Teach!

The day is over. At least it is for my Grade 5 class, because the rooms are empty and there is the unusual  silence that only occurs at this time of day. There is also the drained feeling of heaviness and relief. It's as though my body which was tightly wound for several hours finally had the permission to sink into its natural rhythm. As we used to say in pidgin English when I was a teen, I am degassed, devoid of gas or fuel, and I've realized something. It isn't so much the teaching that tires me out; it isn't the constant movement or the talking or the modeling or the heightened state of attentiveness. For me it is the learning. Teaching has to be synonymous with learning, right? Learning about what works for each child, what doesn't work, who needs more or less of what, and why. It is exhausting but I love it. As I watch tired teachers settle at their desks to begin their preparations for the next day, I wonder if they feel as I do, and I smile. They have to love it, otherwise how could we possibly get ready to do it all over again tomorrow?